When your son becomes a teen and begins acting more elusive or lies, it usually means he wants more room to grow. Or, your son wants to feel free, or escape being yelled at, punished, smacked around, or he is scared of you or just doesn’t trust you. It’s pretty simple if you think about it. I think it really does come down to those few things.
But, what seems simple can be very challenging to get past when trying to gain trust or create an honest relationship with your son. Whatever the teenager’s reasons for lying, parents need to take it seriously because the quality of family life and quality of communication could be devastating. For example, lying about substance abuse to conceal what is really going on.
And, the “easy way out” (drugs given by doctors) is usually very expensive and only suppresses the problem. So what can a parent do??
Here are 6 easy ways that can help …
1. Explain the risks of lying so your teen son understands the consequences of dishonesty.
2. Talk about how it feels to be lied to so the teenager understands the emotional impact.
3. Get to the root of the problem. What were his exact reasons for lying? What is he feeling? Why it occurred, how the teenager could have chosen differently so that lying did not occur, and what he is going to do to prevent further lying. Remember to be as non-judgmental as possible.
4. Set boundaries about lying. Tell your son how you feel and what you want. For example, “I want you to do your best to tell me the truth.” I want you to eventually feel comfortable telling me the truth.”
5. I think most importantly, restore trust and the expectation of truth in order to give your son a chance to restart an honest relationship with you or whoever he lied to. Also, explain that you reestablished trust because in a healthy relationship people should be able trust each other to tell the truth.
6. You can’t stop your son from choosing to lie, but you can definitely manage lying and be a good example.
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