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In honor of the New Year, I’ve written 10 New Year’s Resolutions for Parents. If you have any to add, please do so!
- Help your children make New Year’s resolutions. It can be anything, really. Just make sure it’s “SMART.” That’s Specific, Measurable, Action-orientated, Realistic, and Timely. It’s good advice for you to follow, too!
- Say “No.” to your child at least once a day. And don’t explain yourself, either. Yes, your child will be disappointed. That’s good! Children need to learn how to deal with disappointments in life. Saying “no” to going to a friend’s house today provides your child the opportunity to practice handling the inevitable disappointments in life tomorrow. If they want to know why, you can give a reason or simply say “Because I said so.” that’s not going to fly every time but it’s good to use every once in a while.
- Tell your children what to do. Children need guidance. As parents, we have knowledge and wisdom that they don’t. So instead of asking “Darling, will you please pick up your toys?” Tell her “Pick up your toys, I’ll be back in ten minutes to see that it’s done.” Which reminds me…
- Stop ending sentences with “okay?” Today’s parents think they’re being nice by asking “okay” at the end of every sentence. It’s not nice. It’s weak. And children know it. By adding “okay?” at the end of their sentences, parents are asking for their child’s compliance. Instead, tell your child “Take out the trash when you come home from school.” which bring me to another very important resolution…
- Give your children lots of chores. Yes, lots of chores. Toddlers are a great help when it comes to dusting base boards, pre-schoolers can handle sweeping and mopping, school-aged children can do the dishes, tweens are quite good at doing the laundry, teens can handle the mower, and everyone can join in to wash the family car. Sit down with your spouse and list all your household responsibilities. Then divide them up between the children. There may be a few left that are appropriate for you and that’s okay. Remember, you do a lot by providing food, shelter, and clothing. When children have household responsibilities, they learn the art of service to others, household management, time management, and they receive the benefit of family unity and healthy self-esteem.
- Date your spouse at least once a week. Yes, at least once a week. If you can’t afford babysitting, find another family and swap evenings. While on your date, do NOT talk about the children. If you don’t have anything to talk about, see #8. If you still don’t, you can sit in the car and make out. You may want to check your town’s ordinances so you don’t break any laws.
- Become digitally literate. Face it. Our children were born into the digital age. We are the last generation that knows life before smart phones, the Internet, texting, and more. No matter what we think about today’s Digital Age, we are in it. And it’s not all bad! Put aside some time to visit Common Sense Media’s website and get involved. Instead of limiting your children’s time on electronics, make sure the they spend QUALITY time on them. Know how to use the parental controls on your computers. Understand the power and reach of smart phones. Create rules and responsibilities around the use of electronics. This can seem overwhelming so commit to reviewing it once a month. It’s really that important.
- Put your marriage (or adult relationships) at the center of your family. Your children will see this as a comfort. Your marriage will be that much stronger for it. And your other adult relationships will, too. After your children are past infancy, it’s time to get a hobby. Take an art class or join a book club. Take up a sport (or resume an old favorite) or subscribe to a magazine (and actually read it). You will become more interesting to your spouse, your friends and family, and especially to your children! And when you are more interesting to others, they pay more attention to you. And when your children pay more attention to you than you do to them, children become more obedient and happier.
- Create a parenting plan. The most successful families have a plan. Start with a family mission. What is the purpose of your family? What do you want your family to accomplish? Next, create a vision for each of your children. Write down the words that come to your mind when you imagine your child at the age of 30. These characteristics become a clear target at which you will aim your arrow of discipline. No longer will you wonder if a child’s behavior requires a consequence. Next, add the list of family responsibilities from resolution #5 and you’re almost done. Finally, create, with your children, 3-5 family agreements. These should be positively-stated “rules” your all agree to abide by. Once your plan is in place, review quarterly or when things get rough to make sure you’re on track. Make changes as necessary and have a family meeting so everyone is on the same page.
- Trust yourself. If you’ve read this far, it’s clear you’re a loving parent. Parents who don’t care about parenting don’t bother to read books and articles about parenting. So, remind yourself every day, if necessary, that you know what you’re doing! All parents have times when they loose sight of what’s important. That’s what our spouses, family, friends, and parenting coaches are for. But remember that although you will make mistakes, you know what’s best for your children, even if you don’t know how to achieve it. In the end, no one is a better parent for your children than you. Keep this in mind when your toddler has a tantrum, your preschooler has an accident, your school-aged child won’t eat his veggies, your tween says you’re the meanest mom ever, and your teen goes on his first date.
Happy New Year!
Susan
Susan Eppley, ECE, LPC
Leadership Parenting Coach, Parent & Child Educator